Icky Stuff

Gross things we all do but no one will admit.

Poop Carnival

toilet paperPoop Carnival

I had a prairie dog say hello.
My first reaction was “oh hell no!”
The toilets were set to overflow,
But still the prairie dog said go go go.

I will poop and I will gag,
Each time that I poop in a bag.
To help create a pooping moat,
I will poop off the side of a boat.

Put on your sunglasses to shade your eyes
From my shiny butt and thunder thighs.
The high sea cruise has a new show
Starring a stinky poo poo flow.

More details from the NY Daily News.

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The Look

PlainHankerchiefAdmit it. You always look in the tissue or handkerchief after you blow your nose. It’s just human nature to take a peek at what you expelled from your body.

Growing up, there were always handkerchiefs in my house. My dad used them, so we were always folding them when doing laundry. He used them, so I used them. I suppose they were a lot more affordable than buying boxes of tissues or tons of toilet paper. You just don’t commonly see people carrying handkerchiefs anymore.

I miss them. Although it is pretty gross carrying your snot around with you in your pocket.

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Wet Socks

ImageI don’t wade in streams or anything like that to get my socks wet. What bothers me is when I put on a nice, fresh pair of socks and walk into the kitchen only to discover that someone has spilled something. I step in a cold, wet spot in my new socks,

Then I have to change socks.

I hate it when that happens.

Of course, there are WORSE things to step in.

Photo from Nobody Goes Here.

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The Tissue Complexity

I am home sick today. It hit me all at once yesterday.  I was at work happily staying busy when suddenly. SNEEZE. And my throat started hurting. SNEEZE.  My nose took off at that point with a stream coming out faster than a speeding bullet.  There is a point when you just give up.  I reached it last night.

nose rocket

The tissue complexity. When toilet paper has to go in BOTH sides, how can you get them to fit? Because when you pack one side, the middle part (between your nostrils) is nudged outward toward the other nostril. Then you have to pack that nostril and it gets kinda tight.

I hate being sick. I love grossing my family out with nose rockets.

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White Globs From Your Throat

For days you’ve had a tickle and a slight irritation. You know something is in the back of your throat but it’s stuck.  You eat bread thinking it’ll dislodge it.  Then you try Doritos because the rough edges might catch it and pull it out.  Eventually you cough just so and out it comes, landing on your tongue.  You put your finger in your mouth (with freshly washed hands, of course) and bring out the little white glob.

It smells really horrible because it has been rotting in your throat for days.  Want to know what it is?  It’s a “Tonsil Stone.”

… stinky little globs of mucus, dead cells, debris and bacteria that form in the tonsil crypts which are simply small pockets or divots that appear in everyone’s tonsils. When the trapped dead cells, mucus, and debris harden or calcify, they form white/yellow ball in the tonsil pockets. They usually appear as tiny little chunks in the shape of cauliflower and smell like they could wake up your dead grandma.

Here’s the source of that info. Very VERY icky.  But it makes me happy because I’ve managed to get it out finally.  And I got to look at it. I almost posted a photo from our friend Mr. Google of one, but even I couldn’t go there. Ewww.

So I give you Grumpy Cat instead.

 

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Rooster Juice

The rooster juice part of the egg is most disgusting.  When you fry an egg and the white part right next to the yolk remains runny, that’s the rooster juice. The runny, clear fluid with a semi-thick consistency is so incredibly unappealing, especially to EAT!

Why would I be happy about this icky?  Because I love ordering eggs over medium well, “no rooster juice!”  The absolute look of disgust on everyone’s face around me is hilarious!

Thank you Teresa P. for the word!

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May I Recommend: Ugly Babies

There’s no tiptoeing around the fact that some babies are just unfortunate looking.  I thought about starting a site like this once, but couldn’t bring myself to do it.  A lady I used to work with had a baby who was so pale that you could see his blue veins through his skin.  Poor thing was just not an attractive baby. At all.  I hope he looked better when he grew up.

Ugly Babies

Truth is, if you have an ugly baby I’m going to say it’s “sweet” or “adorable” … I can’t lie and say it’s pretty or cute.

This site actually has more ugly babies and I think I know one or five of them!

More Ugly Babies

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Today’s Poop Lesson

I hate my toilet. If I … you know … and it takes more than one wipe, the toilet always stops up.  And my plunger sucks.

See what it does there?  It wrinkled up and I either have to wait for it to pop back open or wedge it under the toilet rim to manually unpop it.  Meantime, the toilet begins to run over.  This is not icky stuff that makes me happy. It’s just icky.

The icky-happy part of this post is the “J” poop.  I learned this weekend that the J-poop was named by my grandmother who passed away when I was about 7 years old.  I remember her kindly, so hearing that she coined the phrase “I pooped a ‘J'” is a little bit surprising!  The J-poop is the one that comes out shaped like a J. It’s a sign of good health that your food can digest so perfectly. And it’s a J!!!

We should all be pooping J’s after yesterday’s Thanksgiving feasts.

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Lame Food

I like playing with my food. I made a turkey vegetable tray yesterday.  This is how it was supposed to look:

Or this:

This is how it actually looked:

Ha! I like mine too!

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Gruff But Loveable

Conversation driving to parents’ house when I touched husband’s arm:

“You’d better not. I’m this close to forgiving you.”

“Forgiving me for what?”

“For being an asshole.”

Haha!

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